the basics i guess
okay so thailand. where the fuck do i even start. its hot. like REALLY hot. not cute hot either where ur like oh this is nice im glowing. no. its the kind of hot where u sweat in places u didnt know u could sweat like ur armpits are crying and ur back is a waterfall and dont even get me started on the humidity it feels like breathing soup ALL DAY. i wore shorts for like 3 days straight and then gave up and just walked around in boxers and a tank top and NOBODY CARED because everyone is too busy dealing with their own sweat crisis. tbh i think the population is like 70 million but i also heard its 2 million i think? numbers are hard when ur dehydrated and confused constantly. thailand is the size of like idk france maybe? but also not? look it up yourself im not a geographer im just trying to survive here.
thailand is in southeast asia btw just in case u been living under a rock. which honestly would be better than this heat lol. the capital is Bangkok i think. or maybe its krung thep maha nakhon? no wait thats the local name. IDK its confusing because even thais call it both. bangkok is a SHITHOLE in some parts but also kind of amazing?? like one second ur walking past a pile of trash with rats the size of cats and the next ur in a fancy mall with air conditioning that makes u want to cry. the contrast is WILD. like first world meets third world meets complete madness. i love it and hate it at the same time.
also thailand used to be called siam. like siam cats? yeah. siam is where siam cats come from obvi. but now its thailand. why did they change it? IDK ask the kings. theres been a bunch of kings. they all have names i cant pronounce. Rama this and Rama that. current one is Rama 10 and hes like always in germany or some shit idk the details. point is thailand has a shitload of history but im not gonna bore u. just know there were wars and temples and stuff BLAH BLAH BLAH.
how 2 get there (maybe)
fly lol. unless u have a submarine idk. but for real u can get flights from pretty much anywhere. i flew from like… i think it was thailand? no wait i flew TO thailand. i flew from somewhere cold like london or new york i dont remember im bad with geography. the flight was like 12 hours which is literally DIAGONAL across the planet. i watched three movies slept maybe 20 minutes and ate a sad little chicken thing that probably wasnt chicken. the best part is when u land and the heat hits u like a WALL. like stepping out into an oven. but a good oven. like warm bread.
visa stuff whatever. check online i cant remember. if ur from like usa or europe u get like 30 days no visa. or 15? ACTUALLy i think its 30 for most people but if u overstay they make u pay a fine which is like 500 baht per day or something. that like $15. not bad honestly. just dont overstay by a month or they ban u idk.
getting from airport to city is easy but stressful. there are taxis that try to scam u obviously. theyll be like “oh traffic very bad today i take u for 1000 baht” and thats bullshit. use the subway/bts if u can. or the airport rail link. cheap af and u avoid the asshat drivers. BUT BE WARNED: the bts skytrain is crazy crowded during rush hour like sardine can style and some guy stepped on my foot TWICE and didnt apologize because APPARENTLY thats just how it is here. i said ouch loudly and he just stared at me. i think he was thailand born and raised so normal to him.
where tf 2 stay
okay so hostels are cheap as shit. like $5 a night cheap. but u get what u pay for of course lol. some places have cockroaches and bed bugs and the neighbors are blasting what i think is thai pop music until 3am and ur just lying there sweaty and miserable thinking about ur life choices. but then u meet a rando from australia whos drunk and shares his cheap whiskey and suddenly everything is fine?? idk how that works but it happens.
in bangkok i stayed in khaosan road once. BIG MISTAKE if u want sleep. khaosan is like a zoo for tourists. drunk people everywhere, ladyboys shouting at u to come to their bars, someone selling fried scorpions on a stick (which i ate out of boredom and it tasted like crunchy nothing). it was loud and crazy and kind of FUN but also u will not sleep. if u want sleep go to a quieter area like silom or maybe udon thani? but then ur far from the cool stuff. DECISIONS DECISIONS.
in chiang mai there aR these cozy cabins in the hills near doi suthep. super chill. one time i stayed in a bamboo hut with no AC and i woke up freezing??? somehow?? like my brain broke because at night the mountains get COLD like actually cold. thailand has seasons? i guess? they have three seasons: hot, hotter, and rainy. i came in april which is like surface of the sun hot. DO NOT COME IN APRIL IA ME I DIDNT KNOW OKAY.
phuket is expensive af because its full of russians and europeans spending daddy’s money. koh samui same boat. go to koh phangan if u want the full moon party which is exactly as messy as it sounds. thousands of drunk idiots on a moonlit beach. buckets of booze for like $3. sand everywhere. reggaeton music at 5am when u just want to sleep. DO IT ONCE. then never again maybe. or maybe twice. who am i to judge.
food n stuff
bro the food. the FOOD. its good. its so good it makes me want to cry sometimes. pad thai for like 50 cents. a whole ass mango sticky rice for like $1. and the street food scene is WILD. u walk down any alley and theres smoke and noise and little plastic chairs where ppl sit eating noodles at midnight. i ate at a place that looked like a backyard where someones grandma was cooking and it was the best meal of my life. no joke. grandma POWER.
but careful with spice levels. “ped mak” means very spicy. i asked for “ped mak” once at this restaurant in isaan region thinking id be fine since i eat spicy food at home. absolute CHAOS. my nose ran like a faucet, my eyes were crying actual tears, i couldnt breathe properly but the taste was AMAZING so i kept eating anyway like a masochist. the waiter laughed at me. the whole damn thailand probably heard me crying over green papaya salad called som tam which btw has raw crab in it sometimes and can give u a certain kind of shit situation if ure not used to it. fun times.
also fruit. the fruit here is INSANE. like mangos that taste like honey. dragon fruit that looks alien but tastes like nothing which is weird but good. durian smells like shit literally like rotten onions + trash + feet, but some people say it tastes divine? i havent tried it hahahaha im NOT THAT BRAVE yet. maybe next time.
random tips idk
dONT shake hands with monks BOOO huge respect thing. if u sit in a temple ur feet shouldnt point at the buddha statue because thats rude or something i think. kneeling lotus position or sit normally just TUCK ur feet behind u like a weirdo. thats what i did and nobody yelled at me so it worked.
bargaining. always bargain at markets or they rob u. like if they say 200 baht offer 100. theyll act shocked like u insulted their mother but then sell u for 150 anyway. its a dance. i hate dancing but for savings on a temple er pants ill do it.
drinking water: DONT tap water. like never. u will die maybe not die but ur toilet life will live fight nightmare war. buy bottles from 7/11 (yes thailand LOVES 7/11 theres like 2 of them on every street corner??? they sell everything from phone plans to pha Thai pasta??? actually not pasta but hotdogs??? i got sp drunk on one that i fw lucky broken english burgers an dchicken in there . . . soryyy spelling i forgotten ho to type .
LMFAOOO okay im back sorry lagged there for sec lost track etc
also crossing streets in bangkok is fucking TERRIFYING bc nobody stops fr pedestrians like its survival of the fittest. just close ur eyes, pray 2 someone, n run cross before you turn into panckae under Tuk tuk. Tuk tuks btw = cool but sloo on exhaust fumes attack ur lungs and they will charge r u more than gernal motorbike taxi all in they call ur “farang… something word forgot)
Thai culture fact shout outside 7/11 every National anthem play on loudspeaker once or time and every body every going stops stand still wholeeee country halts suddenly falls silent like time ends then goes oK k continue. FREAkay the first TIMIE lol<~ i just stood up feltking laughing middle read at inoragere it\* no i mean again god okay GONE lets wrap it or this typed accidental huge irrelevant story removed
what i learned the hard way
always carry less than more bc theft is real especiallyby ladyboy but cool peoople2 . like literally 1 ladyboy tried 2 pickpocket ME??? i cried afterwards cuz emboarra… but did not get ; STHL:) whatever
sunburn pfff IS WORSERE here sun is PAOWNCHING wri HATE thry got HIV wai no AI Mems sun sun was lit heary I sunbath4once hour wrong KKK… Btw turned cinnsun color for 36 hours.
missed. FOCUSS RETURN:::
do RENT a motorbike but unless u came from India or ‘nam def having BANGS by or else scARIEST experience i do still dent eat mango on sofa chiang rai road *memories leaking god forget half*. motorbike rental cheap $But ur deposit ID and a full of thumbprint< trust no ones . They will try chaorge dammage that is possibly yours unless pht pic/video what BIKE FROM EVERyyY Angle > include spare inner sides & tyre zik marks before hire proofs
ALSO DONATE $$ aside from comMon Saffered monk collecting morning sticks has no money leaving if offering it e.
i accidentally bowl at homeless wiener dog jere sum row long LAUGHLINS S#11 house cat stuck big water no warning tropical shift
seriously THAialnd makes no sense when to all The rules swap so HOMBLIE style learned thats how real oh Shit its SHIsmatter experience god Know n make.
p.s: Im on goped this in w 55 heat AC d d0nt worl ANYWHERE PROBANCE right now <3 END send good shrooms BAAAAYE
*cough *
*thAIYLAND again. i mean thai land ohhh u
get it* o7
Plan Your Trip
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you book through them, we may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.