goa: bro i have SO many thoughts about this place
ok so like, last week i was eating this really sad microwave biryani at 2am and my cat knocked a half-empty bottle of old monk off the table. glass everywhere. i was barefoot. stepped on a shard. bled like a stuck pig. and my first thought wasnt ‘ouch f’ it was ‘this is exactly how i felt in goa that one time when i got rickshaw’d into a ditch’. idk man. the brain works in wierd ways. anyway. goa.
How to Reach?
bro its so easy even my drunk uncle can figure it out. fly into dabolim airport if ur fancy. or take a train to madgaon if ur poor like me. i took a bus once. never again. 18 hours. a guy next to me smelled like old fish and regret. but if u do the train thing, the scenery near carambolim lake is actually pretty. like damn. water. trees. cows. very normal but hits different after delhi.
but yaar, if ur coming from mumbai, just take the vande bharat. it’s fast af. i think. i dint take it. i took the sleeper class and a chicken bone fell on my head from the upper berth. true story. goa welcomes you with trauma.
Where to Stay?
depends on what u want, bhai. u want to be a party animal? north goa. baga beach. anjuna. shit gets lound. like, 4am loud. saw a dude crying over a spilled drink at 6am. relatable.
u want peace? south goa. palolem. but i found it boring. like, too quiet. i got paranoid. kept thinking i heard ghosts. turns out it was just a peacock. damn things sound like a haunted banshee.
tbh, i stayed in a hostel near vagator. 500 rupees a night. no ac. fan sounded like a dying helicopter. but the balcony had a view of the fort and i saw a monkey steal a bag of chips from a german guy. best 500rs i ever spent.
What to Eat?
VINDALOO. not the chatpata punjabi version. the real goan vindaloo. its sour. its spicy. it makes u sweat from places u dint know existed. i ate it at a shack called ‘gracies place’ or something. i think it was gracies. or maybe her daughters. idk. i was drunk.
also, prawn balchao. bhai. that st is fire. like, fermented shrimp pickle. sounds gross. tastes like god’s armpit hair dipped in vinegar. in a good way.
and drink feni. cashew feni. its 40% alcohol and tastes like u licked a tree. but after 3 pegs u start speaking in konkani. i tried to flirt with a palm tree. the palm tree won.
oh and goan sausages. choris pao. its like a spicy pork bomb in bread. eat it for breakfast. eat it for hangover. i ate it at 3am once and cried because it was so good.
Best Time to Visit
november to february. period. dont come in june unless u like being rained on sideways. i came in october once. it was still humid af. my shirt stuck to me like a second skin. smelled like regret and sunscreen.
but like, december is crazy crowded. u cant walk on baga beach without stepping on some british dude’s blanket. but the vibe is good. xmas lights everywhere. saw a santa on a jetski. not kidding.
march is ok. less people. but hot. like, melting hot. i saw a dog lay down on its back and refuse to move for an hour. same energy.
Budget (Indian Rupees)
u can do goa on the cheap, yaar. if ur a broke student like i was.
– hostel dorm bed: 400-800rs per night
– beer: 100-150rs for a kingfisher at a shack (do NOT buy from hotel minibar. scammers.)
– food: 200-400rs for a proper meal at a local joint
– scooty rental: 400-600rs per day. but they’ll try to scam u for damages. take a video before u take it. i got charged 2000rs for a scratch that was already there. fers.
so like, 1500-2000rs per day if ur careful. 3000+ if u want a proper room and decent food and booze.
i spent 12000rs in 5 days. and that included paying the scooty scammer.
Tips for First-Timers
1. ngl, dont rent a car unless u have nerves of steel. goan roads are chaos. cows. dogs. tourists on scooters who cant drive. i saw a guy crash into a pile of fish. actual fish.
2. carry cash. a lot of smaller shacks dint have card machines. i had to barter my watch for a plate of prawns once. (i got the watch back. the guy felt bad.)
3. dont trust the beach guys who offer u ‘special brownies’. they’ll sell u oregano. trust me. ive been scammed. it was just oregano. i ate it anyway. tasted like pizza.
4. try to watch the sunset at anjuna cliff. its crowded af. but the sky turns pink and orange and u forget ur problems for a sec. then a guy tries to sell u a bracelet. theek hai.
5. and for the love of god, dont swim in the sea after 6pm. the rip currents are no joke. a guy died last year. idk which year. but it happens. be safe bhai.
FAQ
is goa safe for solo travelers? yea mostly. just dont be drunk and alone on a dark beach at midnight. use common sense. i did it and im fine. but im an idiot.
do i need a visa? if ur indian, no. if ur foreign, yes. duh.
can i smoke weed there? lmao. its illegal bro. but like. everyone does it. just be discreet. and if u buy it from a random dude on the beach, 90% chance its fake. i bought ‘malana cream’ once. it was just thyme.
whats the wierdest thing u saw? ok. so. i was on colva beach. this guy in a full business suit. tie and everything. walked into the water. fully clothed. went for a swim. came out. did the same thing the next day. i think he was on some kind of retreat. or having a breakdown. either way. goa.
should i rent a bike or a scooty? scooty. bikes are too heavy for the sand and u’ll drop it. i dropped a bike. on my leg. it was embarrasing. the locals laughed. i laughed later. after the pain stopped.
is it true that goa is overrated? idk man. its hyped for sure. but theres something about it. like, the air smells different. salt. sweat. old fish. freedom. i was there for a week and i dint check my phone once. i just sat on the beach and watched an old man fish for 4 hours. it was boring. but it was perfect.
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