ok bhai, so here’s the thing. i’m sitting in my room right now, it’s 3am, i’m still half drunk on chang beer and my stomach is still recovering from the last pad thai i ate in bangkok. and i gotta tell you, you NEED to go to thailand. but not like those instagram influencers who make it look like some perfect dreamland. no yaar. it’s messy, it’s hot, it’s sometimes annoying as fuck, but it’s also the best trip i’ve ever taken. istg.
how to even get there lol
so first things first. getting there. from india, it’s cheap af. i flew from delhi to bangkok with air asia, cost me like 12k INR round trip. but i booked it 2 months in advance, so that’s the trick. don’t be a chutiya and book last minute like my friend did, he paid 28k. bc.
visa is easy. visa on arrival for indians. 2,000 baht (about 4,500 INR). but carry cash in USD or THB because the atm at the airport will eat your fucking card. ngl, i almost cried when my card got stuck in the machine at 2am. the security guard just laughed at me. like, thanks bhai, very helpful.
oh wait i forgot to mention. if you’re flying from mumbai or chennai, sometimes you get even cheaper deals. my cousin got a flight for 9k INR once. i wanted to kill him when he told me.
landing at suvarnabhumi airport is a trip. it’s huge. like, you walk for 15 mins just to get to immigration. and the line? bhai, carry a fucking book. i stood in line for 1.5 hours. but the thai people are sweet, they’ll smile at you even when you’re sweating like a pig.
where the fuck do u stay
ok so hotels. don’t go too cheap. i made that mistake. first night i booked a hostel for 500 INR a night. bed was hard like a rock, the AC sounded like a dying cow, and there was a cockroach that looked at me like “tu kaun hai bhai?”. i packed my bag and left at 4am.
for budget, use agoda or booking.com. i stayed in a decent hotel in khao san road for 1,500 INR a night. it was clean, had hot water, and the AC worked. but the noise? bhai, khao san road is like a non-stop party. if you want sleep, don’t stay there. if you want to drink cheap whiskey buckets and dance with strangers, go for it.
in phuket, i stayed at a place near patong beach. cost me 2,000 INR a night. worth it. had a pool, breakfast, and the staff were so nice they gave me free water every day. but patong is mad crowded. like, too many russians and drunk tourists. not my vibe tbh.
in chiang mai, i stayed in a guesthouse for 800 INR a night. it was run by this old thai lady who called me “baby” and made me fried rice every morning. i almost cried when i left. that’s the thing about thailand, yaar. the random kindness. she didn’t even speak english, but she fed me like her son.
oh and if you’re going to the islands (like koh phangan or koh samui), book ahead. i didn’t and ended up sleeping in a hammock for one night. fr fr. it was actually kind of fun until a mosquito bit my ass.
ok but what about food
bhai. food. this is where thailand ruins your life. i mean that in the best way possible. i’ve never eaten so well in my life. and it’s cheap as hell.
street food is king. in bangkok, go to yaowarat road (chinatown). that place is fucking insane. i ate grilled squid for 100 baht (about 250 INR). the guy cooked it right there, put this spicy green sauce on it, and i swear i saw god. ngl.
pad thai from a street cart? 60 baht (150 INR). it’s better than any restaurant version. the secret is the tamarind sauce and the crushed peanuts. i ate it 4 times in one day. don’t judge me.
tom yum soup? that shit is life-changing. it’s spicy, sour, and has shrimp in it. one bowl and your sinuses are cleared for the next 10 years. cost like 120 baht (300 INR). i ordered it every single day.
but here’s the real shit. you gotta try som tam (papaya salad). it’s this green papaya shredded with chili, lime, fish sauce, and peanuts. it looks ugly but tastes amazing. the first time i ate it, i thought my mouth was on fire. but then i couldn’t stop eating it. it’s addictive like crack.
oh wait, i forgot to mention. khao soi from chiang mai. that’s a northern thai dish with egg noodles in coconut curry. i had it at a tiny shop run by this old lady. she didn’t smile once but her food made me emotional. i literally teared up. it was that good.
drinks? cha yen (thai iced tea) is the best thing on a hot day. it’s sweet, creamy, and has orange color that stains your teeth. worth it. and chang beer is like 60 baht a bottle. i drank so much chang i started seeing chang in my dreams.
but listen. don’t eat the raw meat stuff. my friend got food poisoning from some raw shrimp. he spent 2 days on the toilet. not a good look. stick to cooked stuff from busy stalls. if the stall has a line, you’re safe.
when to go (dont go in may trust me)
so timing is everything. i went in november and it was perfect. like, 30 degrees, sunny, but not humid as hell. the best months are november to february. that’s the cool season. “cool” in thailand means 28 degrees instead of 38. still hot for us indians but manageable.
do NOT go in april or may. bhai, i’m telling you. i was there in may once (long story, bad decisions). it was so hot i thought i was going to die. like, literally. you sweat standing still. the air is thick. you shower and 5 mins later you’re wet again. i had to change clothes 3 times a day. and the rain? it pours like someone is dumping buckets on your head. but it’s also random. sunny one minute, flooded the next.
march is also hot but bearable. june to october is rainy season. but here’s the thing. if you go during rainy season, it’s cheaper. hotels are half price. flights are cheap. just carry an umbrella and don’t plan outdoor activities in the afternoon.
if you’re going for the full moon party in koh phangan, that’s every month. but december and january are the most crowded. like, 30,000 people on one beach. it’s wild. i went in february and it was still crazy but not as bad.
oh and songkran (thai new year) is in april. it’s a water fight festival. sounds fun? it is. but also everyone is drunk and throwing water at you even when you’re on a motorbike. i almost crashed. so be careful.
how much money we talkin
ok let’s break it down. for 10 days, you can survive on 50,000 INR total if you’re smart. that’s flights, hotels, food, activities, and some shopping. but if you want to live a little, 70,000 INR is comfortable.
flights: 12k-15k INR round trip from india. book early.
hotels: 1,000 to 2,000 INR per night for decent places. hostels are 300-600 INR if you’re really broke.
food: 500 INR per day if you eat street food. 1,500 INR if you go to restaurants. i ate like a king for 800 INR a day.
activities: temple entry is free or like 50-100 baht (100-200 INR). elephant sanctuary (the ethical ones) cost 2,500 baht (6,000 INR) for a day. worth it but expensive.
transport: grab (their uber) is cheap. like, 100-200 baht for short rides. tuk tuks are fun but they will try to scam you. always negotiate. if they say 200 baht, say 100. they’ll settle.
shopping: night markets are cheap. i bought 5 t-shirts for 500 baht (1,200 INR). but don’t buy electronics or fake brands. they’re shit quality and the cops might stop you.
oh and carry cash. a lot of places don’t take card. and exchange money at superrich in bangkok. best rates. don’t exchange at the airport, they’ll fuck you.
total for 10 days? i spent about 65,000 INR including a 2-day island trip. but i also bought a lot of stupid souvenirs. if you’re disciplined, 50k is enough.
shit nobody tells u
bhai, there’s so much they don’t tell you. let me list it.
first, the heat is no joke. i’m from delhi. i thought i knew heat. i didn’t. thailand heat is different. it’s humid. you feel like you’re breathing soup. carry a small towel. you’ll need it.
second, the scams. oh god. the tuk tuk drivers will tell you “temple is closed today” or “i know a better place”. it’s a lie. they want to take you to a shop where they get commission. just say no and walk away. also, don’t trust random guys who say “you want ping pong show?” bc, that’s a scam too. they’ll charge you 1,000 baht for a drink and then kick you out.
third, the traffic in bangkok is insane. like, worse than mumbai. i took a taxi that took 2 hours to go 10 km. i wanted to jump out. use the BTS skytrain or the MRT. cheap and fast.
fourth, the temples. they’re beautiful but you have to cover your shoulders and knees. i wore shorts once and the guard gave me a sarong that looked like a skirt. i walked around looking like a fool. also, take off your shoes. and don’t point your feet at buddha. it’s disrespectful.
fifth, the ladyboys. they’re everywhere. they’re gorgeous. and some of them will try to scam you too. just be polite and say “no thank you”. they’re not aggressive, just persistent.
sixth, the food can be dangerous. i’m not talking about hygiene. i’m talking about spice. thai food is spicy af. like, “i’m crying and my nose is running” spicy. always carry a bottle of water. and say “mai phet” (not spicy) if you can’t handle it.
seventh, the random kindness. i was lost in chiang mai once. this old man on a bicycle saw me looking at a map. he didn’t speak english but he gestured for me to follow him. he took me to my hotel. then he waved and left. i didn’t even get his name. that’s thailand, yaar.
eighth, the mosquitoes. they love indians. i don’t know why. but i had 20 bites after one night. buy repellent with DEET. and if you get dengue, you’re fucked. my friend got it. he was in bed for 2 weeks.
ninth, the full moon party. it’s fun but it’s messy. people are doing drugs, puking on the beach, and having sex in the water. i’m not judging. just be careful. and watch your drink. don’t leave it unattended.
tenth, the islands. koh phi phi is beautiful but overcrowded. koh lipe is quieter but harder to get to. koh samui is good for families. i liked koh phangan the most. it’s a good mix of party and chill.
faq i guess
so you got questions? let me answer them like a real person.
so is it safe for solo travelers?
yes bhai. thailand is safe. like, really safe. people are friendly. just don’t be stupid. don’t walk alone at 3am in a dark alley. don’t do drugs (they have death penalty for some). and don’t trust everyone. but overall, it’s safer than india for women too. i saw solo female travelers everywhere and they were fine.
so do i need to learn thai?
no. everyone speaks basic english. but learn a few words. “sawadee krap” (hello), “khob khun krap” (thank you), “mai phet” (not spicy). they’ll love you for trying.
so what’s the best place for a first-timer?
bangkok for 3 days. then chiang mai for 3 days. then an island for 4 days. that’s the perfect itinerary. don’t try to do too much. you’ll get tired.
so is the weed legal there?
yes, since 2022. there are weed shops everywhere. like, on every corner. but it’s not like amsterdam. you can smoke in designated areas. and don’t smoke near temples or schools. the cops will fine you.
so what about the elephant sanctuaries?
go to ethical ones only. not the ones where you ride them. riding elephants is cruel. they break their backs. go to places like elephant nature park in chiang mai. they rescue elephants. you feed them, bathe them, and watch them be elephants. it’s expensive but worth it.
so is the food really that good?
bhai. yes. i still dream about the pad thai. and the mango sticky rice. and the green curry. and the tom yum. i’m getting hungry just writing this.
so any last advice?
carry less clothes. you’ll buy cheap stuff there. carry more underwear because you’ll sweat through it. and carry a power bank. your phone will die from using maps. and most importantly, relax. thailand is a chill country. don’t rush. sit at a cafe. drink a coconut. watch the world go by. that’s the real thailand.
ok i’m done. my hands hurt from typing. go book your ticket. you won’t regret it. istg.
peace out, bhai.
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